wake me when its over..life i mean

why cant I use my depression for something better/other than being depressed. Being depressed sometimes helps me write with more flavors but why cant I want to clean like crazy when I'm depressed, or put it to some other usefulness. why why why why why. Why doesn't he know that I'm here depressed crying and part of the reason is because of him, because he's out, at a club for god sakes, while he's trying to make me impressed or jealous or whatever the hell he's purposely doing to make my stomach sick, my stomach is already sick, I'm already jealous but I'm definitely not impressed. I'm hurting, I'm hurting because of you. You you you you you I'm the victim of your abuse. Normally I heal my cuts and my once tough skin is tough again and then my depression warps to anger in my only defense, being strong. But tonight the depression isn't subsiding. So I'll listen to sad music to arouse sad feelings and after my tears with follow. My life is too predicatble and I think thats what wrong right now. wow.. I just figured it out. If he'd kiss my lips, I'd taste your mouth