Am i worth it?

of course. Had I not realized that when i yet again surrendered my weary heart to him that i was giving up all power to this Central supplier ME. I knew yes that i was opening my heart for his love to occupy me but had i forgotten so quickly that when you do open your heart for the Love to come in that there are still empty spaces too many id say, but empty spaces where pain and hurt and fear can be born. I had forgotten, because of the many good things clouding my lush judgement. I'm hurting and i feel I need to make myself hurt some other way just so i can regain control of this situation I'm in right now. Somehow i feel like I was convinced to spend the night alone it was not my choice i was wrongfully lead astray. I had almost forgotten entirely what it was like to feel hurt by the one you love the most but damn was i wrong. The hurt comes back all too quickly, right when you turn your back and shut the door and accidentally leave it unlocked because you weren't looking, it lurks in. Lurks in like unwanted neighbors who should learn to keep their long noses out of things, lurks in like spiders and fuck, fuck this. what the fuck am i doing what the fuck is he doing

how did i fall so fast to feel this badly already this is so piteous. This afflicting pain, the pain i never wanted to taste ever again its buring my tongue and my stomach is on fire and i feel the need to hide such feelings so i re-lace my heartstrings and get busy setting those barricades back up, I'll work sll damn night if i have to. Together we are a whole heart, but apart we are broken hearted